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You might be a redneck pilot.

Original post: 2/18/2000
By Coy Jacob

We have a client who closely resembles Jeff Foxworthy in his sense of humor. He provided me with a; "You may be a redneck Mooney pilot if..." checklist. From time to time I will post a few of his finer points.

You get your AN hardware from Home Depot because their check-out girls are cute
Once when the FAA's lines were busy, you admit to have gotten your pre-flight briefing from the Psychic Hotline........which was probably just as good, by the way!
Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.

You don't fix your Mooneys fuel tank leaks until it kills the tie-down grass
You don't fix your Mooney fuel tank leaks until it kills the tie down grass on your neighbors spot as well...
You don't fix your Mooneys tanks until you run out of places to land because all the local airports have "blackballed" you for eating holes their asphalt ramps
You don't fix your Mooneys tanks until it stinks so bad inside the EPA put HAZMAT "Keep Away" yellow tape on your control wheels. (like crime scene tape)
You don't fix your tanks until the EPA forces you to build a HAZMAT retention dam around your tiedown
You don't fix your tanks until the same dam gets too damn high to taxi over
You don't fix your Mooneys tanks until you wife can smell you flying over when in the pattern

The side of your Mooney has a sign advertising your septic tank service.
Your Mooney has a hitch down next to it's tail skid.
You're matched set of flying luggage is three grocery bags from Piggly Wiggly.
You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
Your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.
Your last annual was signed off by a John Deere mechanic on Sunday afternoon
You navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.
When you go to the airport cafe they hand you biscuits and gravy instead of a menu.
Just before the crash, everybody on the unicom heard you say, "Hey, Y'all watch this!"

If you like, more for later,

Coy Jacob
PS: The fuel tank fixes are mine........If you have more, email me.



Revision: 10/28/2010